walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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