just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize