Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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