God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
