so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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