i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
