you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
