you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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