"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
