Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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