Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
