Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
