I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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