having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Found the puke drawer
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
