im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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