Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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