I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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