Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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