i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
