i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
