I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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