I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
