your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
