i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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