This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
