That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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