i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
