I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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