I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my being single is dangerous.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
