Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
