Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
