I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
