At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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