She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
