i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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