can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
