Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
