Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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