you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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