I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
