We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
