i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
