Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
