Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
