So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
