Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
