It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
