This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this boner is exhausting
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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