How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
