i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
