Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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