sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
