Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
