Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
