Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
