is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
