My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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