Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
