I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
