it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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