Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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