And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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