If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
