Already got asked if we're dating
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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