So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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